So you just had a baby. The baby’s healthy, you’re recovering well from childbirth, the two of you are bonding, things are great. Or they should be. But you’re starting to realize that babies aren’t exactly great for conversation. Things can get a little lonely when it’s just you and the baby all. day. long. It’s time to get out there and meet some local moms so you can have some adult interaction throughout the day and get to know some people who understand what you’re going through as a new mom.
Growing up, we moved around a lot for my parent’s work. I just counted them all up, and I’ve had at least 10 major moves in my life. As in, not just across town, but across the country, or often to a totally different country. So I’m no stranger to going new places and making new friends.
The difference between all of those moves and now moving around as a stay at home mom, is that when I was younger, there was always a built in social network of some kind for me. As a kid, I would just make friends with my classmates. In college, my roommate and other girls in my dorm became my tribe. When I graduated and started working, I socialized with my co-workers.
But then I began the stay at home mom life, where there are no built-in friends. I’m not going to meet anyone or make any friends unless I put forth the effort to seek them out and intentionally build those relationships. That can be so hard for an introvert like me!!
I am totally the person that will just hang back in a group and wait for someone to interact with ME rather than start the conversation. So initiating the interaction is totally out of my comfort zone. But you gotta do what you gotta do, I wasn’t about to be a stay at home mom with no friends!
So how do stay at home moms make friends?
If you’re new to where you live, or you just became a stay at home mom and are hoping to find mom friends in your area, here are some thoughts for you!
Joining ALL the groups to meet local moms!
Don’t hesitate. If you hear about a Mommy group, join it! You are on the hunt for your new mom friend BFFs, and you will leave no stone unturned! I personally joined a church mom’s group, the official MOMS Club in my town, and a Bible study. The more groups you join, the more local moms you will meet, and the more people you meet, the more likely it is that you’ll connect with a new mom friend!!
Here are some links to help you get started:
Check to see if any of these organizations have a chapter near you!
I also recommend checking around at local churches to see what they have going on during the week for moms. Many churches don’t advertise what they have going on, but can be gold mines for finding a solid communities of other moms!
Say yes to everything invitation from a potential mom friend!
If someone invites you to something, say yes. I don’t care if its the Tarantula Awareness Festival or the annual Roadkill Cookoff they’re asking you to go to. If you want to make friends, your answer is yes. You’ve gone to all the effort of putting yourself out there and meeting new people, and now someone is reaching out to YOU and wants to be YOUR FRIEND. Don’t shut that down by saying no.
Develop your social network of moms by looking for other new people!
When you join an already established group, sometimes it can be hard to break in to the inner circle. It’s easy to feel like an outsider when everyone else already knows one another and friendships are established. So my advice is to look for other new people! They’re feeling just as nervous and left out as you are, so reach out and get to know them! You’ll be glad you did.
Still can’t make mom friends? Still feel like you’re the only mom with no friends?
So you’ve followed all of that advice and it hasn’t worked. You’re thinking, “Why can’t I make friends??”
Here’s something to consider: stop thinking about yourself so much!
Don’t wait for someone to strike up a conversation with you. Be the one to initiate. Be excited when you run into people you know. Be interested in what’s going on in their lives.
Where are they from? Where do they live? How many kids do they have? Do they have summer plans? Are they going to send their kids to preschool in the fall? How was their trip to Florida? How well is their baby sleeping?
The questions are endless. Make it your mission to become an expert on that person. They’ll love the fact that you’re taking such an interest in them and want to be your friend in return!
Invite people over for a mom meet up
After you’ve found some local mom friends in your area, it’s time to move on to the next step. You can only get to know someone up so well when you only meet them at a very specific location at a very specific time.
It’s all well and good to meet people and connect at playgroups or at church on Sunday mornings, but you want friendships that go beyond that! You want people you can share life with, people you can count on to support each other. That doesn’t happen if you don’t ever go beyond casually chatting about the weather in between chasing toddlers around the park.
My recommendation here is to HAVE PEOPLE OVER TO YOUR HOUSE. There’s something about inviting someone into your home that makes your friendship with them seem a little more “real.” Your home is a reflection of who you are, and inviting people into that space provides a sense of depth and authenticity to a relationship that just wouldn’t be there otherwise. A meetup at your house with other moms is the perfect way to do that.
I know, I know. You don’t have time. It’s too much work to get the house clean enough for company. This is one of the biggest reasons why I advocate decluttering both your calendar and your house, so that you have time and energy to be hospitable. But that’s a whole other blog post all by itself. Just don’t wait until your house and your life are perfect before you start investing in relationships.
None of this stuff is easy, and it definitely doesn’t come naturally to me. But I’ve slowly gotten better at it over time and with practice. I promise the same can be true for you if you put forth the effort. Just be the friend to others that you wish someone were to you and you can’t go wrong.
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Melinda worked with children for years in a professional setting before becoming a full-time stay at home mom. She currently has three young children, and enjoys sharing tips and ideas about parenting and how to manage a home with excellence. She’s been featured on Heathline and Her View From Home.